As a mindfulness practitioner I was recently alarmed to realize I'd been bypassing my own workplace trauma.
This wasn't an old trauma that I had repressed, this was from about a year ago and had shaped the very nature of the current work I do.
About a month ago I discovered that I had missed a deeply traumatic moment in my current workplace. One I had missed, even as I engaged in mindfulness practices almost daily, and cared for myself, talked with my coaches, my spiritual director, my therapist, and my friends. I had not identified this moment from over 14-months prior as traumatic.
I had recalled and discussed the moment in many conversations - it was a pivotal moment for our organization. It was a part of a number of presentations to funders and collaborators regarding our strategic planning and recent organizational shifts and innovation.
Yet, I had not identified it as traumatic.
I had been honest with myself in the months following regarding the impact the shift in strategic direction and pacing on my physical and mental health. However, the frenetic energy of creativity and building innovative structures and programs within an organization is hard work - seasons of hard work come and don't necessarily have to be traumatic. So my daily mindfulness practices kept me aware of what was happening in my body, kept me aware of what folx were feeling and experiencing within my organization so that I could lead with compassion and awareness.
However, it wasn't until we were celebrating a major milestone that was a consequence of the pivot 14-months ago that I realized I had experienced the news on that day in June 2024 as trauma.
As I was overcome with gratitude for the growth I saw in front of me - the new people, the new programs, the new ways I see impact among those we serve. All of a sudden, I also saw myself in the hotel conference room with my team, on the Zoom call receiving the news from one our partner organizations that a timeline shift was necessary. As I recalled the moment I recognized that what I was feeling and seeing was trauma.
I had experienced the moment as traumatic, and been moving in many ways since, as one traumatized - fawning in situations where progress was threatened, believing that the outcomes we wanted as an organization was the only outcome tolerable, bought into the continued sense of urgency that never seemed to relent.
Even as I engaged my regular rhythm of mindfulness...even as I learned new practices of mindfulness...even as I responded as a compassionate and creative leader and colleague...even as I mediated...even as I rested when I could..I had missed something traumatic and important in my own work life.
The point of this is to remind us that mindfulness doesn't make us immune. Mindfulness didn't fail me, and I didn't fail mindfulness. Yet, I shudder to imagine what the last 14 months would have been without my mindfulness practices, my mindfulness community, and my commitment to BEING mindful.
As we head into the final weeks of 2025, what has your mindfulness practices done for you? Let's reflect and share.